Fear

When I lived in Hungary, my roommate Karen and I worked at the same high school a few days a week; I worked at two high schools and Karen was full time at Rudas. On the days when I was working at Rudas, we would walk to school together. Our route consisted of crossing the street, walking a block on a sidewalk flanked by homes with fenced-in yards, crossing another street, and walking up a huge outdoor staircase. We counted the steps once and I can’t remember if there were 69 or 169 steps. I just know that there were a lot of steps and when we first moved to Hungary, we had to stop for a break. As the year went on we were able to walk up without catching a breather. No matter the temperature outside, we always arrived to work hot and sweaty from our hike up the stairs.

After crossing the street from our house, we would encounter a terrifying looking black German Shepherd that we nicknamed, “Devil Dog.” Every day we would somehow forget about Devil Dog until we were in front of his house and he would leap up from behind his fence and ferociously bark. I couldn’t possibly count the number of times Devil Dog’s lunging routine caused my heart to actually stop beating. Even more terrifying was the fact that it seemed Devil Dog’s fence was too low and that at any moment he was going to lunge over and pull a Cujo. Devil Dog had a look in his eye that convinced us he would take great delight in ripping us limb from limb. I think he’s the only dog I’ve ever encountered of which I’ve actually been afraid.

After getting passed Devil Dog’s house and catching our breathe, Karen and I would talk and laugh as we walked. We were always able to have a good time together, regardless of where we were. There was a house at the other end of the street that had a a little black puppy in the yard and we would often stop and speak to him. One spring morning, in the puppy’s yard we saw a man standing outside wearing only a t-shirt and a Speedo. Unfortunately, that’s one of those images that will forever be seared into my brain. We didn’t really linger at that house much after that.

One day Karen came home breathless. It was a day where I had worked at my other school and I had gotten home a little before her. Karen was rattled, and I asked her what had happened. She told me that she had been walking home, like always and she was looking ahead and had actually prepared herself for Devil Dog’s bark and lunging-at-the-fence routine. To Karen’s horror, she realized that Devil Dog wasn’t behind his fence, but was standing on the sidewalk and he had spotted her. She looked around and there was nowhere to run. Karen stood on a sidewalk with a fenced in yard on one side and a street with a forest and creek on the other side. I couldn’t remember how the story ended-so I asked Karen and she couldn’t remember the outcome either. She wasn’t attacked so either Devil Dog’s owner snagged him before he could eat Karen or Devil Dog ran up to her and was super friendly, revealing that he actually wanted to be friends the whole time. I remembered it being the latter, but couldn’t confirm that with Karen. Either way, I’m thankful she didn’t become his afternoon snack.

When I was thinking of Devil Dog actually being friendly, I thought of things or situations that are often feared. Karen and I had the perception that Devil Dog was evil and ready to shred us at the first opportunity, but in reality he wasn’t a vicious killer. I can think of something or a situation or an outcome that I’m afraid might happen and I can almost become paralyzed with the fear of what ifs. I’ve discovered more times than not, that what actually occurred was never as scary or awful as I had anticipated. Usually the situations worked themselves out and I was left wondering why I was so afraid in the first place.

There are so many places in Scripture that tell us not to fear or be anxious: 2 Timothy 1:7, Philippians 4:6-7, 1 John 4:18, Psalms 56:3, Isaiah 41:10, and Psalms 34:4 are just a few examples that mention fear and what to do if we do fear: look to God, run to Him, and hide there.

Lately, if you watch even a half second of the news, you might be tempted to fear since it seems like our world has been turned upside down and shaken. Now, more than ever, I need to fix my gaze on Jesus and seek to draw others to know Him. I’ve mentioned the song “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus” before, but it’s one that I’ve listened to over and over the last few weeks because it has been a good reminder to put my eyes where they need to be. You can listen here. I love the simplicity- look to Jesus, look to who Scripture tells us He is and what He did and what He can do, and trust Him with what’s causing anxiety and fear and sadness and joy and happiness and confusion and all the emotions.